i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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