Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
