he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
