Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
