He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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