Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
