Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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