we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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