We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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