I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Verdict: uncircumcised.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
