I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
