I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
