I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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