so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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