The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
