i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
