I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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