dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
