my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
