I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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