If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
