i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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