He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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