I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
