how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
