Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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