i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
