Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
