They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
