I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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