Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
