i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
