Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I cannot find my penis.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
