it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
