So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
