So drunk its hurt
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
