Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
