I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
