My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
