I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
