I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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