Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i now understand why vodka
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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