why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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