There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
