Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
