Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
