You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
smell my finger.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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