guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
