Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
