So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
