Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
