So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
